I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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