I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
