so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
