I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
