Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
