please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
