I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
