Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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