don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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