Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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