I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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