we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I currently don't understand fingers.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
