I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
