i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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