A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
