the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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