you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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