I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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