My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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