Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
