I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
