He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
