My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
