i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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