They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
