Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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