Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
