i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
