Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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