you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
