the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
