He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
