I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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