So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
