I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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