Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
please don't ironically join a cult
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