I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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