Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
In other news, I just burned my penis
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
A+ Viking dick
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
