So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
