what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
