can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
