Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
