i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
