Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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