You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
