Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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