Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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