If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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