Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
