apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How external is "for external use only"?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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