My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
